Delayed Arrival

I recently posted this on Twitter: “Last night [my two-year-old] successfully wore undies to bed! WE ARE DIAPER FREE!!!!!!!”

Guess what’s happened since then? We’ve gone back to night diapers and had a day time accident nearly every day.

I recently wrote Change is Possible — a post about feeling like I had accomplished so much by not quitting my running plan, even though it got tough. I got up extra early to run at a time when I had plenty of excuses to not follow through.

And you know what? No, I didn’t quit. But, I did realize that I had not arrived. Just because I had a sense of accomplishment didn’t mean that I was finished. There is still work to do. There are still days to run before I “complete” the running program. I still have to set my alarm, put on my shoes (and extra layers, a hat and gloves — brrrr it’s cold in the morning), and go run.

I am always a work in progress. I will never arrive. And just when I think I have, someone is going to pee in their pants.

“… being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” Philippians 1:6

There is comfort in that verse. God is working, and will continue to work, until we are finished.

But sometimes I find that verse discouraging. Sometimes I just want to arrive. I want to be complete. I embrace the “Learning. Growing. Becoming.” catch-phrase at the top of my blog, but sometimes I want it to say “Learned. Grown. Became.” It sounds grammatically awkward, and it’s also not humanly possible.

I understand that I am a work in progress — and so are you — but I easily get frustrated with what I haven’t learned. I recognize I’m learning some valuable life lesson, and I wonder why I’m just learning it now? Why did I not “get it” at some earlier time? How is it that it’s taken me 30 some years to see some issue so basic to my own personality? Why have I never understood some issue so basic to maintaining a good relationship? Why have I not grasped a concept so basic to the nature of God?

It is easy to get stuck looking at what I don’t know, don’t do or don’t understand. This is something I find myself doing often. (One of those personality things I’m just realizing about  myself.)

I actually started writing this post a few weeks ago, but then I got stuck with feeling so “un-arrived” that I wasn’t sure where to go with it. In the last few weeks, potty training has improved and I finished my running plan. (Woo hoo!) I feel confident in saying that my daughter is potty trained and in saying that I have learned to run. The truth is, there really hasn’t been an “arrival” in either of those areas. We do still have an occasional potty accident, and I still need to exercise on a regular basis and sign up to actually run in a race. (My Facebook status the other day: Woo hoo! I finished Couch to 5K! Now to keep from heading back to the couch …)

The only thing that has changed is my perspective. I’m not trying to “arrive,” I’m just thankful that I’ve moved from where I was. I’m not changing diapers and I’m not being a couch potato. Sure, I’m still going to clean up some accidents, and yes, I still have some (a lot) of work to do before I reach my fitness goals, but I have to stop and look at how far I have already come.

This is a key principle that I’m seeing as I read thru the Bible. In the Old Testament, the Israelites built altars or stone monuments in a place where God had shown up and saved them or provided for them. They put up the stones to help tell others that this was a place where they saw God, but it was also a way to remind themselves of how God had worked. In the New Testament, people often quote scripture or tell stories of Abraham, Moses and others. Those stories of God’s provision are central to their faith and current situations.

I must learn to do the same!  I have to look at the things I have already learned, many things that have become so much a part of my life that I rarely even notice them. I have to remember what God has already revealed to me and how much He has already worked in my life.

Yes, I can see how some life lessons would have been better learned years ago, but I also have confidence that ” … He who began a good work in me will carry it on to completion.” I have many more lessons to learn. My arrival is delayed indefinitely. And that is OK.

Change is Possible

Yesterday, I woke up at 5:55 a.m. — by my own choice — to go for a run.

Let me repeat myself.

Yesterday, I woke up at 5:55 a.m. — by my own choice — to go for a run.

This may not be such a big deal to some people, but for this non-morning person who has always hated running, it’s a pretty big deal!

My husband had to leave earlier than normal for work, so if I was going to keep up with my Couch to 5K running plan, I had to get my run in before he left. So, I set my alarm. Then, I had a hard time falling asleep because I had taken a Sunday afternoon nap. Then, I got woke up two times in the night by kids. And it would have been really easy to turn off my alarm. It would have been really easy to just quit.

But, I didn’t.

I got up early and went for a run, and I gained such a sense of accomplishment! My great feelings came less from the fact that I went for a run, but more from the fact that I didn’t quit. Usually, I just kind of give up. Or congratulate myself for at least trying. Or make excuses for why something just isn’t for me.

I cannot tell you how much I have learned from what I thought was just a silly little running thing. I’ll attempt to share more in future blog posts, but for now I am just amazed to see that change is possible.

It’s hard.

It’s challenging.

Every time I run I still feel like stopping for a break.

And, man, it’s dark at 6:00 in the morning!

But, as I force myself to keep up with the running plan, I’m finding this new desire to tackle things that I’ve come to think might always stay the same.

I can stop being a night owl and learn to be a morning person.

I can become more patient.

I can be more organized.

I can love that person who always rubs me the wrong way.

If I can learn to run, well, then just about anything is possible.

And, if I can change, well, then you can change, too.

———————–

I wrote this as part of the Moms’ 30 Minute Blog Challenge from Jamie over at Steady Mom.

Learning to Run

**I wrote this for my church newsletter and thought I’d share it here, too. Cheers!**

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I have this love/hate relationship with writing.

On the one hand, it’s something I enjoy. It helps me tame the thoughts swirling in my head. I tend to express myself better in writing, as conversation has never been my strong suit.

On the other hand, when I write a little article and it ends all neat and tidy, it gives a false impression that I’ve got my life all figured out and put together. It gives the impression that life can be wrapped up in 500 words with an introduction, a few bullet points and a conclusion.

So, here I sit, working on [my church] newsletter with an empty space to fill and some words on my heart about what I’ve written in the past.

I’ve written about my struggles to focus on a relationship with God and not on a religious set of rules. I’ve written about my struggles to read my Bible with consistency. And guess what? I still struggle with those same things.

So, what is my problem? I mean, really? I have Christ living in me, so why do I keep resorting to old habits? If I am a new creation, why do I keep feeling like the same old, same old?

One reason is because I have an enemy and his name is Satan. I’m pretty sure he’d like me to be a religious rule-follower who never reads my Bible. He tells lies, and I sometimes choose to listen to them.

Other reasons include that I rely on my own strength and forget to ask God for His strength. I live as though I must meet some level of spiritual maturity before God can really work in my life. I forget about grace.

Another reason for my failures has been revealed in an unlikely way as I train to run a 5K. I know what you are thinking, “I didn’t know Cori was a runner.” Well, actually, I have always hated running, but I’m currently in week five of a nine-week program called “Couch to 5K.” (Clever name, huh?)

For about 30 minutes, three days a week, I do a walking/jogging combination around my neighborhood. Supposedly I’ll be able to run for 30 minutes at the end of the nine weeks.

And, you know what? The program is actually working! It’s not easy (it does involve running), but it hasn’t been nearly as hard as I thought it might be. The keys seem to be how slow the program starts out and the small, gradual increases in running. The program designers knew what they were doing. At coolrunning.com, the website explaining the program, it recommends not skipping ahead but repeating weeks as necessary until you are ready to move on. It says, “Too many people have been turned off of running simply by trying to start off too fast.”

I have to wonder how many times I have sabotaged my own spiritual growth by trying to start off too fast? What if I used the same principles that are helping me do something I have never enjoyed, to do something I really desire?

I desire to spend time with God reading my Bible on a daily basis. What if I start by just reading on, say, three days a week. I hear myself protesting already, because I think I should just be able to do all seven. But what if I start out slowly, wait until I am ready to move on, and gradually add a day of Bible reading to my life?

I don’t expect my kids to learn to walk in a day. Or learn to ride a bike. Or learn to read. The list could go on. We gradually help our kids learn to do new things. Why do I think my Heavenly Father, who has love and grace beyond my comprehension, expects me to do everything perfectly the first time? In our hurried culture of text messages, fast food, extreme make-overs and instant everything, it’s easy to forget that I am a work in progress.

So, what about you? Is there something you’ve been trying to accomplish in your own strength? Have you tried to make changes too quickly without giving yourself the time to let a new habit stick? Do you need a grace-based training program for prayer, Bible reading or putting on the fruit of the Spirit?

“Have nothing to do with godless myths and old wives’ tales; rather, train yourself to be godly. For physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come.” 1 Timothy 4:7-8

The verse doesn’t say, “What is your problem? Just be godly, already!” It says to “train yourself to be godly.” It implies time, practice and probably some failures.

God gives us grace and mercy — not permission to sin, but an invitation for forgiveness and a fresh start. Thank you, God, for your great love! Remind us of it as we seek You and train ourselves in godliness.

Kids These Days

My  husband and I have worked with a Wednesday night youth program at our church for several years now. We help with kids in 3rd to 5th grade. We’ve been the “red team” for a while now, and each year we get a new batch of kids. It’s a fun time (usually 🙂 ) and we enjoy it.

There are four teams, and when it’s game time, it’s helpful to have an equal number of kids on a team. About a year and a half ago, there was a night where we were short on leaders and kids and we moved to the yellow team for the night. It was a chance to get to know a few new kids, including a girl I’ll call Andrea.

And if you judge a book by its cover, Andrea’s blond hair was in need of a wash, she carries a few extra pounds on her 10-year-old frame, and her initial response to “hello!” is to cross her hands over her chest and give a look that says, “Don’t mess with me.”

The following week, Andrea was moved to the red team for the night, and it seemed as though we had broken through some barriers the week before, because she was fairly friendly and talkative.

Her stories and questions spoke volumes.

“My mom just had a baby two weeks ago,” she said. “His name is John.”

“Oh yeah?” I said.

“John is the dad’s name, too.”

The dad.

Not my dad, or even my mom’s boyfriend. Just the dad.

A few minutes later she looked across the table at my husband and asked, “Is he your boyfriend?”

I had to chuckle. I mean, it’s been a while since he was my boyfriend. It was actually kind of fun to think of him in that way again.

“No,” I said in reply, “he’s my husband.”

Andrea gave me a blank stare. My smile quickly faded.

I couldn’t help but wonder if she even knew what the word “husband” means.

We carried on with our night, but I couldn’t stop thinking about Andrea. Here’s a little girl with no idea what a dad is supposed to be. Possibly no idea what the word husband even means.

Through no choice of her own and no fault of her own, Andrea does not know what it means to have a father.

As I wrestled with sleep that night, I kept thinking about Andrea. Little did she know that our conversation was keeping me awake. It was a conversation that changed me and changed my view of volunteering for our little Wednesday night program.

God brought this verse to my mind:

Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me … ” Mark 10:14

I can’t give Andrea a father. I can’t fix her family. But, for 90 minutes on Wednesday nights, I can give her Jesus.

The truth is, I wish I had been a bit more bold in developing a relationship with Andrea.  I met her towards the end of the year, just before the program took a break for the summer. She returned the following year, but was on another team and only came for a couple weeks. I don’t know her last name or how to get a hold of her. I ran into her once at school, when I was volunteering in my son’s classroom. She has been on my mind lately, and I am praying that we cross paths sometime again.

Even if I don’t see her again, I will always remember her. I hope I continue to remember that many kids have tough lives, and their rough edges and tough exteriors are really defensive walls protecting their hurting hearts. I hope I can remember that those kids need Jesus, even the ones that dress weird, have strange hair cuts and bad language. I hope I can remember that every one needs to see Jesus, and I might be the only one who shows Him to them.

My Flip Flap

My brother and sister-in-law recently visited from their current home in China, and they came bearing gifts. Meet my new Flip Flap:

This little solar-powered flower dances back-and-forth in my kitchen window. I tried putting it on my car dash, as is the Chinese custom, but it just rolled around as I turned corners. After hearing stories of Chinese drivers, I’m curious how they keep theirs in place?

Anyway, sometimes it scares me for a second, as I see it moving out of the corner of my eye and wonder what’s in my kitchen. But, mostly I’ve been surprised at the inspiration this little plastic flower has provided.

It’s always dancing.

Even on overcast days, it captures enough light to have the energy to dance.

I don’t think I live that way. I tend to have a bad day and use it as an excuse to be grouchy or lazy or just anti-social.

The truth is I am alive!

I have a God who loves me no matter what! (Romans 8:28-29)

I have an amazing husband, awesome kids and a fabulous family!

I am blessed!

I could go on, but you get the idea. When I focus on the blessings, I am thankful and can rejoice. It just takes a little bit of light to make my flower dance, why don’t I focus on The Light and take some time to dance before Him? (Psalm 27:1; 2 Corinthians 4)

Now, my dancing flower does not dance in complete darkness, and I’m not here to suggest we can always just be happy. There are times in life when it’s very dark. I don’t believe God wants a mechanical response that isn’t heartfelt. He is OK when we are not — just read some of Psalms — we are supposed to grieve. If you are dealing with a tragic situation, this dancing flower analogy is not for you.

But, if you are like me, and sometimes focus on little frustrations instead of huge blessings, remember my Flip Flap.

Who knew I could learn so much from a piece of plastic?

Where's your starfish?

I have always liked this little story: The Starfish Story, by Loren Eisley.

One day a man was walking along the beach when he noticed a boy picking something up and gently throwing it into the ocean. 

Approaching the boy, he asked, “What are you doing?”

The youth replied, “Throwing starfish back into the ocean. The surf is up and the tide is going out.  If I don’t throw them back, they’ll die.”

“Son,” the man said, “don’t you realize there are miles and miles of beach and hundreds of starfish?  You can’t make a difference!”

After listening politely, the boy bent down, picked up another starfish, and threw it back into the surf.  Then, smiling at the man, he said … “I made a difference for that one.”

I often have the misguided notion that I must do something big and grand in order to make a difference in life. When there is such a huge need, it seems like any effort will be fruitless, because it can’t possibly bring an end to the vast need.

The truth is, though, that we really can make a difference by doing something small. Even if it only makes a difference in one life, it is still making a difference! And when many people decide to do something that might seem small, the result can be amazing and huge.

Our local grocery store  conducts a fundraising opportunity for the Muscular Dystrophy Association. For $1, you can put your name on a little clover that gets put on the store’s front window. Giving $1 seems pretty small, until you return the next week and see little clovers plastered across the window. Many people giving $1 adds up to several hundred dollars.

Every Christmas we try to find a project or person to give to. This past Christmas, we decided to join up with the Samaritan’s Purse Operation Christmas Child project. The goal is to pack a shoebox with small toys, personal hygeine items, school supplies, etc. for a child in another country who has few material possessions. Our two oldest children were old enough to participate, and we packed two shoeboxes to ship overseas. We used an online option that let us know where our boxes were taken. We had one box go to the Dominican Republic and one to Malawi. (It’s in Africa. We had to look it up.) Our two boxes joined 8.2 million — yes, million! — shoeboxes that traveled around the world to bring a smile to a child.

Several weeks ago, we got a large envelope in our mailbox, addressed to our son. I wondered who would be sending our son some mail. I glanced at the return address, “Republica Dominicana,” it said. I could hardly believe my eyes as I tore open the envelope! Inside was a letter from the pastor of a church and photos of dozens of beautiful children that come to the church. The pastor thanked us for sending the box and also said he would pray for our family. I’m still amazed that such a small gift made an impact.

And, really, the greatest impact may have been made on me. When I feel troubled that I can’t possibly do enough or give enough to solve all of the problems of the world, I need to remember that I can’t do enough or give enough to meet life’s needs. But, I can do what I can and give what I can, and that will make a difference, even if it’s only to one starfish.

Just Obey Already!

Soccer night.

I appreciate the opportunity for our oldest son to play soccer, but getting there three nights a week by 5:45 can be a challenge. We usually rush through supper, run around looking for somebody’s shoes (often shoe-napped by our smallest shoe wearer), and hustle out the door.

It’s really not a pace that I enjoy. We’re tolerating it for the six weeks of soccer.

On one particular night, Dad was going to drop Mom and Andrew off at soccer practice and take the girls to a nearby park. This seemed ultra confusing to the kids. Andrew, who likes to think and plan through life, didn’t understand. He was also upset that his sisters were going to the park and he had to go to soccer.

Mom got tired of answering questions.

“Andrew,” I said, in my snippy mom voice, “Sometimes you just need to obey and you will understand how it all works later!”

I immediately wanted to retract my tone. I mean, he just wanted to understand. I was the one choosing to be annoyed by his questions.

But I also was immediately struck by what I said: “Sometimes you just need to obey and you will understand how it all works later.”

Sometimes I need to just obey God and trust that I will understand how it all works later.

How many times is it easier to wonder, question, worry and question some more about God has in store? He rarely gives us the big picture — He just asks us to take a step. One step. It often leaves me wondering: But how will this look? Is this all there is? What will others think? How will this affect my family long-term? Who will pay for this? What if it’s a complete failure?

I’m sure you’ve had similar experiences. Wondering if you’ve made the right decision. Worrying that you don’t have enough money. Contemplating how you can escape a tough assignment. Thinking about what other people might think of your decision. It’s human.

We don’t have to ignore the questions or worry or wonderings, but we need to turn them over to God. Tell Him our concerns. Ask Him to give us the strength. Plead with Him to help us remember how He has provided and worked in the past.

As I read through a Psalm a day (well, not every day, but most) I see this repeatedly. The writer is often distraught, worried, sick or feeling forgotten by God. Yet in the midst of trials or struggles, the writer remains firm in following the Lord. He remembers what God has done in the past and continues to be a faithful follower.

Psalm 77 starts with the writer in distress, unable to sleep and obviously worried about the future. Then he changes his perspective:

 ¹⁰ Then I thought, “To this I will appeal:
       the years of the right hand of the Most High.”

 ¹¹ I will remember the deeds of the LORD;
       yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago.

 ¹² I will meditate on all your works
       and consider all your mighty deeds.

 ¹³ Your ways, O God, are holy.
       What god is so great as our God?

 ¹⁴ You are the God who performs miracles;
       you display your power among the peoples.

I was basically asking Andrew to do the same thing. “Hey, Buddy, you can trust me. You might not know all the details, but just remember that I have taken care of you in the past, and I will do so in the future. Nothing I ask you to do will be out of my control.”

God is trustworthy. Nothing in life is out of His hands. It is good to “just obey and understand how it all works later.”

*Edit: I originally used the word “safe” instead of “good” in that last sentence. I try not to edit and reword things I write too much, or I’d spend my whole life doing that. 😉 However, it’s really not always “safe” to follow God. It’s risky. It’s hard. It means taking jumps off of cliffs sometimes and wondering if there will be a soft landing. Sometimes we need to do it. Sometimes we need to just obey.