Being OK with Me: A Disclaimer

You write about the thing that sank its teeth into you and wouldn’t let go.

— Paul West

My one word for the year is Enough. I’ve been wrestling with it for nine months now. It turns out I really needed four words for this year: Being OK with Me. I still wrestle around with Grace and Dance, too. I never wrote much about those words, which might explain why they still pin me down on the wrestling mat on a regular basis.

Being OK with Me.Early on in the year I thought I should write a series around the word Enough. It’s evolved into four words, and really a whole mindset of figuring out why it is so hard to just be OK with who I am. Maybe God is the one who said, “Enough!” It was time to finally deal with this illness that seems to develop in my brain and leak down into my heart.

Other people are writing about it, too. I have bookmarked dozens of blog posts and articles, often written by other women, describing this same illness. We seem to have similar symptoms.

I finally bought the book Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge.

I know I’m not alone in this nagging sense of failing to measure up, a feeling of not being good enough as a woman. Every woman I’ve ever met feels it — something deeper than just the sense of failing at what she does. And underlying, gut feeling of failing at who she is. I am not enough, and I am too much at the same time.

— Stasi Eldredge, Captivating page 6-7

Stasi wrote a new book called Becoming Myself: Embracing God’s Dream of You. Just the words “becoming myself” were like music to my ears.

I haven’t read either of those books, and they are already speaking to me. Part of me wishes I could tell you I’ve read all the books, and I have all the answers, and I’ll lay them all out neatly in a 12-step program. It’s just not the case. I don’t have answers, but I want to keep wrestling.

I tried to convince myself that I didn’t need to write this series. After all, there are all those other blog posts and books. But, I decided I must make the time. For when I write, I gain strength and wrestle well. I might not have a lot of answers, but I’ll still be asking the questions.


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